Stubborn but awesome love

I don’t, and probably will never, understand why God loves and pursues me. It is kind of puzzling. I’ve wronged and failed Him over and over. I’ve questioned and doubted Him a lot of times. And each time I thought of the gravity of my sins, I feared God would not think twice to express His wrath and eternally abandon me. But countless times, especially when I was desperate down the pit, He’s proven His interest in me. And like a man rescuing a tattered doll from a manhole, he eagerly pulled me back, rinsed off the dirt and smell from the sordid pit, put the lost pieces together, and embraced me like I was new.

I can’t understand this kind of love, for I am not deserving of it. Why does He take pleasure in loving a mess like me? What is so special about me that He doesn’t want to let me go? I sinned; He forgave. I turned my back on Him; He took my hand again. I went away; He ran towards me to welcome me home. I rebelled; He accepted me still. I had no idea of heaven; He said He wanted me to be there to spend eternity with Him.

God, His persistence, His faithfulness, and the nature of His love are all beyond my understanding. And He will always astound me, for I am not capable of that great love and will never be able to equal it. His is wider than the heavens, deeper than the seas, bigger than me, and enough reason to die for me.

As it seems, my comprehension has human limitations to grasp this kind of love, but I am forever grateful and will respond to it in the way that is pleasing to Him.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.

Psalm 103: 8-15